You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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