Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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