we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
