all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
