I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
