oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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