did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
