just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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