Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
