The maid of honor just puked.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she peed on how many people?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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