Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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