I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Drunk is a universal language darling
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