Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
