Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
