it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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