Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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