i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
