I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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