When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
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