we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
