Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
