The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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