Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
