No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
