Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
