you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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