i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
