every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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