Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
