I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
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