I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
