come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
