I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is wine microwaveable?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
