so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
