You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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