would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
