do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
