Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
