it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
