Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
