i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
