I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
