This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
