and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
