A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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