why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
soo... how was my night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
