You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
