toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
