My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
