i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
